Where is God in ghosting?
For those of you following my story, you know that I recently went through a heartbreaking divorce, and the last year and a half has been spent in healing. Now, I have a new story to share, one that feels all too relatable these days in modern dating.
After much prayer and courage, I went on a date with a kind man who seemed to have a lot in common with me. Over the past two months, we got to know each other exclusively talking daily through texts, phone calls, FaceTimes, and seeing each other as much as possible. He had a demanding job, so we couldn’t meet as often as we wanted, but he spent time learning about my past triggers and trauma, reassuring my fears, and showing patience, kindness, and care. I tried to be a safe place for him too, listening as he shared about his work stress.
And then, almost suddenly, it ended. One random Tuesday, the communication stopped.
The Fear of Abandonment
You have to understand this was my biggest fear. To open my heart, start trusting someone, and then be abandoned unexpectedly. From daily texts to regular calls, his sudden silence felt like a punch in the gut.
If you’ve never experienced this, I hope you never do. But if you have, you know the sickening feeling that comes when someone you’ve begun to rely on vanishes without explanation. My first thought was fear, that something had happened to him. I reached out, and he called me back. Technically, I wasn’t ghosted, but he made excuses about his work and asked for a few days. I expressed how the silence made me feel, but I understood he was under pressure and agreed to give him time.
The Pain of Waiting
The days that followed were some of the hardest I’ve experienced. I hoped he would reach out, that he would miss me as I missed him. But as the silence continued, the panic and emptiness grew. Questions swirled in my mind:
Was I not enough? Too much?
Had I caused him stress?
Why did someone who seemed to understand me so well vanish without explanation?
I begged God for closure. I prayed for him, and yes, I even asked God to convict him for the hurt he caused. This might seem extreme for a two-month relationship, but my history of abandonment, low self-worth, and anxious attachment made this feel like a heartbreak I might not survive. The sting of betrayal, even briefly, reopened old wounds from my divorce and past relationships.
Jesus Understands Our Pain
After three years in therapy, reading my Bible, and prayer, I felt like I was doing everything “right.” And yet, I was still betrayed. I was still blindsided. I didn’t want to relive this story of loss, but God reminds me that He understands every human emotion, even when we are heartbroken, betrayed, or lonely.
In Matthew 26:38, Jesus said
“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”
Jesus felt heartbreak, betrayal, fear, and loneliness to the extreme, even laying down His life for the very people who betrayed Him. He is with us in our pain, teaching us how to surrender, trust, and believe that He can bring good out of even the hardest situations (Romans 8:28).
“And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.”
Surrendering the Situation to God
I don’t know why this relationship ended the way it did. I may never understand the purpose. But I am choosing to let God use this for good, rather than get angry or seek answers that may never come. Perhaps this person needed the care and kindness I provided in their life.
Through this experience, I am practicing surrender, trusting that God will carry the situation for me, even if I can’t see how.
Prayer for Forgiveness and Peace
Lord,
I forgive _______. I release them for how they’ve hurt me. I surrender this situation to You and ask that You will fix what I cannot. I pray that You will bring good out of a situation that deeply hurts and that I cannot yet see the good in. I pray for the pain and struggles in this person’s life that I know nothing about. Please give me peace as I let You carry this burden and as I move forward in Your plan for my life.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.